What’s Up? Lounge No More Edition

What’s that? You’re looking for a bed-bug ridden condo with sticky floors? You may be in luck! That’s right, FiPS’ old SPARRING PARTNER (ok, PUNCHING BAG) the Pavilion Theater is RUMORED to have a future as a residential building (or NOT). Honestly, by all rights, Pavilion should have been gentrified out of its own misery years ago. But Park Slope, and Brooklyn as a whole, are surely going to keep it up with the rapid change, whatever happens to good ol’ Pavilion. See below, f’rinstance, and welcome to Whassup: Lounge No More Edition:

* Until Saturday, Dec. 20: GALAPAGOS NY GOODBYE! (DUMBO): Long-time art incubator Galapagos, which opened in Williamsburg (long before ALL THIS) in 1995 and moved to DUMBO in 2007, announced this weekend that it is FLEEING BROOKLYN for…Detroit. As of now, there are JUST FOUR SHOWS left for the NY incarnation: the 5th Annual GUMBO (Gay DUMBO) party this Friday, Floating Kabarette (a circus and cabaret) on Saturday, a TED holiday party next Thursday, and the final Kabarette on Saturday, Dec. 20. That’s it! Then, all the galapa-goes to Detroit, where the cheap prices of urban decay have created the kind of bohemian artists’ haven that died long ago in New York (at least that’s the idea). Come see a Galapagos show before you have to travel to fucking Michigan to do it.

* Until Sunday, Dec. 14: TEA LOUNGE’S LAST DAYS!: Whoa. This one is big (for Park Slope dwellers, anyway.) Tea Lounge — THE TEA LOUNGE — that place of copious seating being blocked by copious strollers — has only four days left! No word yet on why (likely, given the way everything goes in Brooklyn these days, it’s because of rising rent), but the neighborhood institution ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY that it would be closing Sunday, Dec. 14. Stop by for a final mocha and/or beer. They’ve got a FEW EVENTS left, too, with musicians playing the next few nights. Open mic still on the calendar for Sunday, but who knows? The original Tea Lounge closed back in 2008, and the company started franchising a couple years ago. According to their WEBSITE, there’s one in Kuwait and one “coming soon” to Williamsburg. (But anyone know how long it’s been saying that?) Anyway, unless you travel frequently to Kuwait, this is your last chance for Tea Lounging.

* Thursday, Dec. 11: THREES BREWING/ROBERTA’S PIZZA OPENING (GOWANUS): Huge-ass brewery/restaurant/events space/community center (?, so they say) Threes Brewing opens today. And, until they get their in-house food offerings up and running, they’re hosting pop-up restaurants. First up? Beloved — nay, adored — nay, disturbingly coveted — pizza destination Roberta’s. The pizza-ing goes on through Dec. 21, and Threes Brewing is at 33 Douglass St (b/t 3rd and 4th).

* Thursday, Dec. 11: NO OFFICE HOLIDAY PARTY, LITTLEFIELD: Hear ye, hear ye, all you freelance graphic designers, contract copywriters and brogramming startup dreamers — you can have an office party, too! When you gave up the status meetings and teambuilding exercises of corporate America (or when the post-middle-class economy forced you to do so), you didn’t also give up the chance to get all nog-headed in front of your colleagues. Better yet, at this gathering of similarly non-officey types, you won’t end up snogging with someone who signs off on your expense reports. Punderdome host (who is, apparently, now NY’s go-to host for cool and/or quirky events), Jo Firestone masters the ceremonies, and there will also be karaoke, a photo booth, sexy Santas and more than enough mistletoe to excuse your unwanted advances.

* Sunday, Dec. 14: SWEETBACK SISTERS COUNTRY CHRISTMAS SINGALONG, BELL HOUSE: Exactly how much charm can you handle? A lot? Please say a lot, because this show will be oozing it to potentially uncomfortable levels if you’re not prepared. This is silver-screen cowgirl, deep-dimpled, family-friendly country. And for Christmas! It’s just so damn wholesome, you’ll get all the vitamins you need for the year. 8pm, $15-$20.

* Wednesday, Dec. 17: TWO-BOOK MINIMUM, UNION HALL: You live in Brooklyn, so you like to read. I mean, you like to say that you read, at least. Really, there’s no place like Brooklyn to be a part of a literary scene without having to do any, you know, reading or writing. F’rinstance, here, you can watch a gathering of comics and comedy writers sling tales and talking about their favorite books. Your and my favorite bespectacled, pseudo-intellectual comedienne Janeane Garofalo will of course be on hand. You can chat up some cute stranger about the novel you are (thinking of) writing, and they will in turn ask you to give a read to their memoir that they’ve almost finished (thinking about starting). Anyway, it should be funny, with Ophira Eisenberg and “Better Book Titles'” Dan Wilbur also on hand. 8pm, $7.

* X-MAS TREEZZZ!! Yo, are you in the South Slope? Do you feel the need to commemorate the birth of your lord and savior with a tree for some reason? Good news, then: South Slope News has this HANDY BREAKDOWN of where to buy ye olde tannenbaum. My favorite is PARK SLOPE HARDWARE, because these old family hardware stores are harder and harder to come by (anywhere, not just in Brooklyn).

FIPS Broken News: Ta Ta Tea Lounge (The End of Yet Another Era)

On a recent visit to famed Park Slope institution, the Tea Lounge, while sipping an Iced Americano on the mangy couch nearest the entrance after dropping off laundry next door, I said to my husband, “I pretty much never need to come in here again.”

What I didn’t know then is that as of December 14th, I won’t have a choice; As we mentioned in WHASSUP yesterday, TL IS CLOSING after 14 years in their cavernous Union Street space (their first location was on 7th and 10th, and closed in 2008).

How many times has FIPS — or for that matter, many many Park Slope residents — declared “It’s the end of an era!” when some local staple has closed? Most notably BOING BOING and TWO BOOTS (which, controversially, I really didn’t give a shit about, because it had outlived its usefulness to me — why should I care if your kid never gets another ball of dirty pizza dough to lick? And yeah, it’s back anyway; go eat raw dough).

For better or worse, fairly or not, maybe undermining its profitability, the neighborhood has used that place as an unofficial community center, a shared half-finished basement, some place nearby to go if you couldn’t stand being in your apartment (with no basement) another second alone with your young children, or you’re a doing a work-at-home day, but didn’t want to be in sight of a pile of dirty dishes and unmade beds.

It was like a Park Slope version of a particularly seedy suburban rec room, with parents who really didn’t care what you did down there, but can you just bring your dishes to the sink, please?

I’ll miss the Tea Lounge in theory, and in practice, mostly because I’ll have to satisfy grilled cheese requests at home now. But maybe the whole operation can set up shop a couple of neighborhoods away, in another establishment filled with grimy upholstered furniture and errant toddlers: the IKEA showroom.

After this Sunday, if you want to sit on a scuzzy sofa and drink coffee, you’ll have to do it at home.

About Us

Fucked in Park Slope (FIPS) is a blog about a pretty, gentrified, know-it-all neighborhood in Brooklyn.

The blog was started in November of 2008, right around the time the whole country was going to shit in a recession-filled hand basket.

But we survived, thanks to grit, and support from social media agency and provider of Instagram services Buzzoid.

We mostly just like to talk about make fun of all of the crazy shit that goes on here in our leafy, stroller-clogged, beautiful neighborhood, which works out pretty well cause there’s lots of it.

We rant, whine, bitch, moan, and rant some more, so if you’re not down with that, now might be a good time to click your ass on over to another site.

Otherwise, buckle your seatbelt and prepare to be Fucked in Park Slope like the rest of us chumps.